It’s been weighing on my heart to write about my life, and what has transpired this past year.
The desire to get it out in written/typed form stirs within my core. Writing has always been therapeutic for me. If you are reading this; thank you for sharing in this tiny piece of my lifescape.
At the start of the year I worked for a start up in north metro Atlanta. I had been there just over a year. I remember the feeling of family I had with a lot of people there. It wasn’t a big company- just under thirty of us – a crazy- dysfunctional family. Always busy. Good times.
By the beginning of the summer I was let go. I assume because cuts had to be made and it was all a numbers game. I breathed deep and tried to imagine what was next. It was so unexpected. I’d been here before, though, a year before- without work.
I remember wondering how long my stint between work would be this time. Would it be like a few years ago where I was on the precipice of foreclosure?
A week after I was let go I briefly tried my hand at selling life insurance. A big no go there.
About a month later (midsummer) I found out about a major Internet company in Atlanta. This place was listed as one of the best places in Atlanta to work. I remember thinking “wow, it’d be cool to work there”. I applied with the help of two friends who already worked there. Long story short I got the job.
Ecstatic is an understatement.
This place was not a start up. This place was a well established- global brand.
72,000 square feet.
People skate boarding through the office – in jeans, t-shirts and even pajamas.
Culture: – life encouraging, supportive, personalized, built to thrive—culture.
I loved it. Every day I came to work I was amazed. In awe to have the benefits, opportunity for growth, stable structure and support of such a wonderful place, with wonderful people, teams and departments. My heart teemed with gratefulness every day. I’m certain the people around me could tell by the smile that refused to relent. I was going to be here for a long time.
I was there exactly five weeks.
I took an assessment. Made a 72% on the assessment. This score did not pass the company threshold for the role I was hired to fill. I was told I was a good cultural fit but that the score didn’t cut it. I literally cried as I was let go.
The day of and throughout the following week after being let go I encountered persistent waves of anxiety attacks. I had experienced these attacks in the past, (around the time I thought I was going to lose my place to foreclosure), but not nearly as severe.
I called a really close friend who is a park ranger at Rocky Mountain National Park in Colorado.
“I need to get away- can I come out there man?”
“Sure!” my good friend said.
Found a round trip ticket to Colorado on Frontier Airlines for literally 100 bucks and flew out the very next week.
I saw real mountains for the first time.
Felt in awe of God as I crested above tree line.
I ate elk.
Went on long hikes.
Saw the Milky Way with my naked eye.
Roasted corn still in it’s husk over a camp fire.
Sprained my knee.
Danced late into the night.
Smoked weed for the first time since I was a teenager.
Tried to figure things out – but not too much because the moment I did the symptoms of anxiety would creep back.
The anxiety attacks eventually stopped….
I returned home to Atlanta and immediately made plans for where I wanted to visit next. I had the free time to do it- so I thought, “why not?”
For years, I would work and work and never go anywhere and at age thirty something in me decided that had to change. I didn’t know what was next- but I wasn’t going to stay home and sulk over it- I would get up and go until I ran into whatever “next” was.
Something strange happened when I entered into this period with all of this free time.
I begin to wrestle with something that I hadn’t wrestled with before.
There was an idea. An Inception – if I could steal that mental image. I don’t know who or what planted the dream though.
Something I had to face head on stared me down and would not be ignored.
I’ll get to that idea soon. First I need to back up to just about a week or so before I was let go from the amazing job with the six kitchens.
Thanks for tracking with me so far. Until next time.