Our inner lives are ineffable, precious things.
Some pretty heavy stuff.
Life weighs on the core ground of our being and has it’s way and it’s toll on all of these things.
Sometimes, we need to unpack our experiences and the effects of what we’ve encountered so as to maintain a sense of health and well-being, not only for the present but for the journey ahead.
After all, life doesn’t let up, it just keeps going.
A good friend reminded me of this recently.
I lamented how since coming out I’ve had attempt after attempt of trying to cultivate companionship with great guys in circumstances that just so happened to involve the element of poor timing.
Each time I walked away heartbroken.
“Black people don’t do therapy- we take long baths, and shout it out at church to give it to Jesus”
I responded to my friend’s advice.
It’s a quote from Black-Ish.
Now while I was joking and my friend got a good laugh
I want to say here briefly that the collective trauma and anguish on the black psyche does need to be addressed.
I hope as individuals we all can come to places of proper grieving and the self-care we need; rather that involves therapy or not.
Psychologically and emotionally this has been a tough year for me.
Navigating the dating world as a gay man
Three failed relationship attempts
Leaving my faith community
the Pulse Shootings
Public Servant allotted death to Black People
The excessive broadcasting of said public servant allotted death of black people.
It’s a lot.
Recently I found my own form of healing.
It came unexpectedly which was much appreciated because the heartbreak I’d experienced was still recent, fresh, and very much palpable.
A wave of contentment for my singleness and a commitment to remain so for the remainder of the year welled up in me in the form of peace and a new found resolve.
I haven’t found a therapist yet, I’m still looking.
Meditation and contemplation have been helpful, though.
My focus lately has been on this idea that I am an extension of God.
That is; God is in me by virtue of essence, soul, Image…which all originated in God.
The love that God is and the love that God gives is extended not just to me but is the very core and ground of my being.
and obviously not just me…but this is the reality for everyone….
God, First Cause, the Universe, Divine, Source…whatever inadequate language one wants to use for this all subsuming and permeating force of love which is simultaneously existence itself and yet inconceivably more than just that….
that Oneness of Completeness…has an Image in every human being which is the guide map by which we can rest in love for ourselves and each other.
That’s where healing is.
That’s where reconciliation , elevation, consciousness, awareness, and evolution to a better way of being, resides.
That’s the future.
That’s the place we are headed where we won’t kill one another out of fear.
Or worship our egos and frailties to the disregard of mutual care and compassion.
Yeah, life has it’s toll but it also- unfailingly beckons to us that there is a better way.
May we each find it, over and over again until we are better to ourselves and to each other.