Godless

I’ve become Godless.

In my Godlessness I’ve become free.

When I say Godless I mean the absence of a fixed certitude regarding the ultimate.

In my experience and observation it would seem that at best all we have are grand concepts and ideas about what we call divine.

It seems that the idea of God was an anthropological necessity and it has lingered on in the hearts and minds of billions throughout the course of human history.

We birthed something from within ourselves and made it Lord over our lives and everything.

For me it doesn’t linger.

The networks of my brain that formed to associate absolute authority, worship and deference with the idea of God that the ancient Jews gifted to the world is slowly being dissolved.

In it’s place, certainty has given way to a surrender, and unknowing.

This admission of not knowing has unburdened me and become a lightness and deeper breathing and even greater hope.

In a world of ineffable beauty, terrible darkness, and immeasurable inequity I don’t have to surmise the will of a perceived loving God.

I simply observe and live.

That’s enough.

In my Godlessness I’ve also found self worship.

As sacrilegious as this may sound I think self worship is important for everyone.

Relentless Self Care.

Self Acceptance.

Constant reminders that we are enough.

The way we make a better world and ensure a better tomorrow is by striving to be our best self and that requires a deference to the gift of our own lives and the authority of our own inner guidance and intuition.

Everything we need is already within.

It would seem that’s where “God” came from anyway; why not mine the inexhaustible treasures  of humanity’s capacity and depth?

These are just my musings.

While I don’t know if there is a God or not, my embrace of this agnosticism has not shielded me of a sense of something greater than myself.

Every day I live and try to honor my desire for equanimity, responsibility and compassion.

I feel guided and protected.

I feel connected, and I feel ineffable transcendence.

I feel love as I try to love.

What do I with this?

What do I call it?

Sure I could say it is God, but I don’t know that and neither does the next person rather they earnestly believe it to be so or not.

None of us really knows.

I like to think that life and being itself is God.

Like think about it.

The animation of all of reality- untamable and teeming, suffusing all that is.  It can be measured empirically, felt deeply.

If that’s not fitting of our countless ideas of the divine I don’t know what is.

But that’s the thing.

I don’t know.

No one knows.

I’m ok with not knowing.

I’m ok with my speculations and self worship.

I’m ok with my Godlessness.

I recently visited a local yoga studio in downtown Spokane Washington and during one of the best practice sessions of my life – this ethereal teacher with dreads and tattoos all over his body and head, took me on a journey inward in the stillness of my asana.

He reminded me and everyone present that we are all connected in a place beyond separateness and illusion. We share a single source, light and essence. Life flows through us and grounds us in an ineffable togetherness. He reminded us to be present with ourselves.

Reflecting on these things made me feel like I was in prayer.

Made me feel an elation, deep contentment and gratitude.

It reminded me of when I would sing worship songs in Church or sing ancient Hebrew prayers with my Jewish friends during special holidays.

I felt something special.

Maybe I even felt God.

Thanks for stopping by.

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